When People Find Out I’m a Priest, This Is What They Always Ask!

Massachusetts priest Father James O’Toole shares a surprising glimpse into the question that follows him everywhere. 🌐 #News #BostonMA #Massachusetts #Faith

BOSTON, MA —Father James O’Toole moves through the world with a quiet confidence, his black clerical attire and white collar marking him as a Catholic priest. Whether he’s grabbing coffee at a local shop here in Boston, Massachusetts, visiting a parishioner, or simply walking down the street, the sight of his collar tends to stop people in their tracks. Strangers pause, their eyes flickering with recognition, and inevitably, a conversation begins. But it’s not the weather or the news they want to discuss. There’s one question that rises above all others, bubbling up with an almost predictable urgency the moment they learn he’s a priest.

It’s not about theology, nor is it a request for spiritual advice. It’s far more personal—and, for Father James, endlessly amusing.

The Question That Never Fails

“So, do you really have to be celibate?”

There it is. Without fail, this is the first thing people ask when they meet Father James and discover his vocation. It’s not a question about God’s existence, the meaning of life, or even the Church’s stance on hot-button issues. It’s about celibacy—that ancient, often misunderstood commitment that seems to captivate the imagination of everyone from curious teenagers to skeptical cab drivers.

Father James chuckles when he recounts how often this happens. “I could be in line at the grocery store, and the cashier will squint at my collar, lean in, and whisper, ‘So, you don’t get married, right?’” he says. “It’s like they’ve been waiting their whole lives to ask a priest this.”

Why Celibacy Captivates

What is it about celibacy that makes it the go-to question? For Father James, it’s a mix of fascination and disbelief. In a world where relationships, dating apps, and romance dominate so much of modern culture, the idea of choosing a life without marriage or romantic partnership feels alien to many. “People see it as this mysterious sacrifice,” he explains. “They’re trying to wrap their heads around why someone would sign up for that—and whether I’m secretly miserable because of it.”

But Father James is quick to set the record straight: celibacy isn’t a burden he carries; it’s a choice he embraces. “It’s not about saying ‘no’ to love,” he says. “It’s about saying ‘yes’ to a different kind of love—one that’s poured out for others, for the Church, for God.” Still, he gets why it’s hard for people to grasp. “In their shoes, I’d probably ask the same thing.”

Beyond the Stereotypes

The question often comes with assumptions. Some imagine Father James as a lonely figure, cut off from the joys of family life. Others picture a monk-like existence, all solemn prayers and silent retreats. “I think people watch too many movies,” he laughs. “They expect me to be brooding in a monastery, not eating pizza with my parishioners or cheering for my favorite football team.”

In truth, Father James’s life is anything but isolated. His days are filled with people—counseling couples, baptizing babies, swapping stories with friends over dinner. Celibacy, he explains, doesn’t mean a lack of connection. It means a different way of building relationships, one rooted in service rather than exclusivity. “I’m not missing out,” he says. “I’m just living love in a way that’s hard to explain in a five-minute chat.”

Answering with Grace

Father James has honed his response over the years, striking a balance between humor and sincerity. “I usually say, ‘Yep, celibacy’s part of the deal, but it’s not as grim as you think,’” he shares. “Then I’ll toss in a joke about how I don’t have to argue over who controls the remote.” The humor disarms people, opening the door to deeper conversations—if they’re willing to go there.

For those who press further, he offers a glimpse into the why behind his choice. “Celibacy frees me to be fully present for others,” he explains. “It’s not about denying desire; it’s about channeling it into something bigger.” Most people nod, intrigued, though he can tell some are still puzzled. And that’s okay. “Not everyone gets it, and I don’t expect them to,” he says. “But I love that they’re curious enough to ask.”

A Window into the Priesthood

That single question—asked in coffee shops, at bus stops, and even during hospital visits—has become more than a running joke for Father James. It’s a reminder of how his vocation invites others to reflect on their own lives. “When people ask about celibacy, they’re not just asking about me,” he muses. “They’re wrestling with their own ideas about love, sacrifice, and what it means to be fulfilled.”

For Father James, these moments are a gift. They’re a chance to bridge the gap between his world and theirs, to show that a priest isn’t some distant, untouchable figure, but a man who laughs, doubts, and navigates life’s big questions just like they do. And while he’s heard the celibacy question a thousand times, he never tires of answering it. “Every time someone asks, it’s an invitation,” he says. “An invitation to listen, to share, and maybe even to surprise them with a little bit of joy.”

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