Forbidden Love—When Amish Youth Fall for 'English' Outsiders

Young Amish men and women in Indiana’s heartland are increasingly facing an impossible choice between forbidden love and centuries-old tradition. 🌐 #News #ShipshewanaIN #Indiana #Lifestyle

SHIPSHEWANA, IN — The late afternoon sun casts long shadows across the perfectly straight rows of corn as Sarah Miller* guides her horse-drawn buggy down a dusty country road in northern Indiana. Here in the heartland, where nearly two-thirds of America’s Amish population resides in just three states – Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Indiana, young people face an increasingly complex choice: follow their hearts or follow their faith when the two lead in opposite directions.

The Weight of Tradition

“Sometimes I look at the English boys in their cars, and I wonder what that life would be like,” she confides, her voice barely audible above the clip-clop of hooves. “But then I think about my family, my community, everything I’d have to leave behind.”

Sarah’s story echoes across Indiana’s Amish settlements, where traditional practices and modern society increasingly intersect.

Coming of Age in Two Worlds

The phenomenon of Amish youth falling in love with “English” (the term used for non-Amish people) has become increasingly visible in recent years, particularly during Rumspringa.

This period, which typically begins at age 16, represents a critical juncture when Amish teenagers must decide whether to be baptized into the church or leave the community. During this time, young people are encouraged to meet other Amish youth and look for potential spouses, though some find their hearts pulling them in unexpected directions.

A Choice Between Two Lives

For Jacob Yoder*, 22, the choice came at a devastating cost.

Three years ago, he fell in love with an “English” girl while working at a local furniture store in Elkhart County. Their secret relationship, conducted through carefully planned meetings and hushed phone calls from the community phone booth, lasted nearly a year before his parents discovered the truth.

“They gave me a choice,” he says, his eyes fixed on the horizon. “Her or my family, my church, everything I’d ever known.”

Today, Jacob lives in the Amish community, married to an Amish woman, but the pain of his decision lingers in his voice.

The Power of Community

The statistics tell a compelling story of cultural resilience: despite the pressures of modern society, approximately 85-90% of Amish youth choose to be baptized into the faith and remain within their communities.

This remarkable retention rate reflects the powerful pull of family bonds, cultural identity, and a way of life that emphasizes community over individualism. Yet for those who choose a different path, the decision often comes down to matters of the heart.

Marriage and Membership

The rules regarding marriage within the community are clear: to be married within the Amish church, both parties must be baptized members. This requirement effectively means that relationships with outsiders must either end or result in one partner leaving their way of life entirely.

The choice carries profound implications, often leading to significant family strain and cultural displacement.

The Price of Following One’s Heart

Emma Hochstetler*, who left her Amish community in LaGrange County five years ago to marry an “English” man, describes the ongoing struggle to maintain connections with her family.

“They won’t come to my house because we have electricity,” she says. “I see them only at the market or when I visit home. My children are growing up barely knowing their grandparents.”

Language as a Cultural Barrier

The Amish use language as a powerful tool of cultural identity, speaking Pennsylvania Dutch at home, Old Amish German in religious services, and English in public.

This linguistic separation serves as both a practical and symbolic barrier between their world and the “English” one, making romantic relationships across these boundaries particularly challenging.

A Community Response

The impact of these relationships ripples through both communities. Local businesses, often sites of interaction between Amish and English youth, have become inadvertent matchmakers.

In tourist-heavy areas like Shipshewana, some shop owners have implemented informal policies to discourage romantic relationships between their Amish and English employees, fearing the community backlash that often follows.

Tradition Meets Modern Life

The Swartzentruber Amish, known as the strictest order, maintain the most rigid boundaries between themselves and the outside world.

However, even in more progressive settlements, the challenge of maintaining traditional values while interacting with modern society creates ongoing tension, particularly regarding romantic relationships.

The Choice That Defines a Life

These stories of forbidden love in America’s heartland reveal more than just personal drama—they illuminate the ongoing negotiation between tradition and change, between individual desire and community belonging.

As Sarah Miller guides her buggy home in the gathering dusk, she passes a group of “English” teenagers in a pickup truck, their music briefly drowning out the natural sounds of the evening.

“Sometimes love isn’t enough,” she says, watching them disappear into the distance. “Sometimes it’s about choosing who you want to be, not just who you want to be with.”

In the end, these stories highlight a universal truth: in matters of the heart, there are rarely easy answers, whether one travels by horse and buggy or by car, whether one speaks Pennsylvania Dutch or English, whether one chooses tradition or charts a new path entirely.

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RELATED TOPICS: Amish | Lifestyle | Indiana

*Names have been changed to protect privacy

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