Top 10 Shocking Reasons Why You Should NEVER Move To Des Moines, Iowa!
🚨 Thinking of moving to Des Moines, Iowa? Read this first! These are the shocking reasons why you should NEVER move here…or should you? 😱🌽 #DesMoinesExposed #IowaNightmare #MidwesternParadise
Des Moines, Iowa – Brace yourself for a journey through the treacherous landscape of Des Moines-West Des Moines, Iowa. In this exposé, we’ll uncover the shocking truths that the locals have been desperately trying to keep hidden from the rest of the world. If you’re considering moving to this Midwestern metropolis, think again!
Think we’re being serious, or seriously silly? Well, you’ll just have to read and find out! Hehe.
We’ve compiled a list of the top 10 reasons why you should avoid this city at all costs. But be warned, the following revelations may leave you questioning everything you thought you knew about Des Moines-West Des Moines. Prepare to have your mind blown and your expectations shattered as we dive into the unbelievable realities of this Iowa gem.
1. Do NOT move here because the city is an eyesore
Des Moines-West Des Moines is a visual nightmare, with its stunning skyline, picturesque parks, and charming neighborhoods. The sight of the iconic Iowa State Capitol building will make you want to gouge your eyes out with its majestic golden dome and intricate architecture. Prepare to be assaulted by the beauty of the Pappajohn Sculpture Park, where you’ll find yourself lost in a sea of captivating art installations.
2. Avoid this place because the food scene is atrocious
If you’re a foodie, steer clear of Des Moines-West Des Moines at all costs. The city’s diverse culinary offerings will leave your taste buds in a state of constant euphoria. From mouthwatering steaks at 801 Chophouse to the delectable farm-to-table cuisine at Proof, you’ll be subjected to an onslaught of flavors that will haunt your dreams. And don’t even get us started on the craft beer scene – with breweries like Confluence and Exile, you’ll be drowning in a sea of deliciousness.
3. Stay away because the people are just too friendly
The residents of Des Moines-West Des Moines are notoriously friendly, and it’s downright offensive. Prepare to be greeted with warm smiles and genuine kindness wherever you go. These Iowans will go out of their way to make you feel welcome, offering unsolicited help and engaging in pleasant conversations. It’s a nightmare for anyone who prefers to keep to themselves and wallow in their own misery.
4. Don’t come here because the job market is abysmal
Des Moines-West Des Moines boasts a thriving job market, with major employers like Wells Fargo, Principal Financial Group, and Meredith Corporation calling the city home. The low unemployment rate and countless opportunities for career growth are enough to make you want to pull your hair out. Who wants to be stuck in a stable, well-paying job when you could be struggling to make ends meet elsewhere?
5. Avoid this city because the education system is subpar
If you value a good education, Des Moines-West Des Moines is the last place you want to be. The city’s top-notch schools, including Drake University and Grand View University, will only lead to a lifetime of success and enlightenment. The Des Moines Public School District’s commitment to academic excellence is a real turn-off for anyone who prefers mediocrity.
6. Stay away because the healthcare is too good to be true
Des Moines-West Des Moines is home to some of the most outstanding healthcare facilities in the country, and it’s just not fair to the rest of us. With renowned institutions like UnityPoint Health and MercyOne, you’ll be subjected to state-of-the-art medical care and compassionate healthcare professionals who genuinely care about your well-being. It’s a real nightmare for anyone who enjoys the thrill of uncertainty when it comes to their health. Who wants to live in a city where you can actually trust your doctors and receive top-notch treatment? It’s just too good to be true!
7. Don’t move here because the outdoor recreation is non-existent
If you love spending time outdoors, Des Moines-West Des Moines is a place you should avoid like the plague. The city’s extensive network of trails, including the High Trestle Trail and the Raccoon River Valley Trail, will only lead to hours of enjoyable hiking, biking, and exploring. And with lakes like Gray’s Lake and Saylorville Lake nearby, you’ll be forced to endure countless opportunities for boating, fishing, and swimming.
8. Avoid this place because the arts and culture scene is lacking
Des Moines-West Des Moines is a cultural wasteland, devoid of any artistic merit. The Des Moines Art Center, with its extensive collection of contemporary and modern art, will only serve to broaden your horizons and inspire creativity. And the Des Moines Performing Arts, which hosts Broadway shows and concerts, is a surefire way to be bored to tears.
9. Don’t come here because the shopping is abysmal
If you’re a shopaholic, Des Moines-West Des Moines is the last place you want to be. The city’s vibrant shopping districts, including the Historic East Village and Valley Junction, offer an array of unique boutiques and local shops that will only tempt you to spend your hard-earned money. And with Jordan Creek Town Center, the largest mall in Iowa, you’ll be overwhelmed by the endless options for retail therapy.
10. Stay away because the community events are a snooze fest
Des Moines-West Des Moines is notorious for its dull community events that will put you to sleep. The Iowa State Fair, one of the largest and most celebrated fairs in the country, is a prime example of the city’s lackluster offerings. With its thrilling rides, live music, and mouthwatering food, you’ll be counting down the days until it’s over. And don’t even get us started on the Downtown Farmers’ Market, where you’ll be subjected to fresh, locally-grown produce and handmade crafts from friendly vendors.
Conclusion
There you have it, folks – the top 10 shocking reasons why you should never move to Des Moines-West Des Moines, Iowa. This city is a veritable paradise, masquerading as a Midwestern nightmare. From its stunning beauty and friendly residents to its thriving job market and vibrant arts scene, Des Moines-West Des Moines is a place that will make you question everything you thought you wanted in a hometown.
So, if you value your sanity and prefer a life of monotony and misery, steer clear of this Iowa oasis. But if you’re brave enough to take the plunge and embrace all that Des Moines-West Des Moines has to offer, be prepared for a life filled with joy, fulfillment, and unparalleled experiences. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!
🗣 Are you moving to Des Moines-West Des Moines, Iowa? We’d LOVE to hear from you in the comments section below. ⬇️
