The BEST Very Funny Short Quotes About Life: Hilarious Bite-Sized Wisdom
Get ready to laugh out loud with our collection of the funniest short quotes about life that are sure to brighten your day! 😄💡 #LifeHumor #FunnyQuotes #WisdomInANutshell
Winona, MN – Life is a rollercoaster of experiences, and sometimes the best way to navigate its ups and downs is with a healthy dose of humor. Short, witty quotes about life have the power to make us laugh, think, and see things from a different perspective. In this blog post, we’ve compiled some of the most hilarious and insightful quotes that perfectly capture the absurdities and joys of everyday life.
Very Funny Short Quotes About Life
“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” – Mitch Hedberg
“All my life, I thought air was free until I bought a bag of chips.” – Unknown
“Life is better when you’re laughing.” – Unknown
“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” – Steven Wright
“Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.” – Cathy Carlyle
“Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.” – Charles R. Swindoll
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” – Natasha Leggero
“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But if it is, try duct tape.” – Unknown
“I’m not against change, I’m just not sure I can handle it twice in one week.” – Unknown
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” – Charles Lamb
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“I’m not stubborn, I’m just reluctant to change.” – Unknown
“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” – Ron White
“My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” – Betty White
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” – Erma Bombeck
“I’m not afraid of change, I just don’t like to leave my comfort zone.” – Unknown
“The only constant in life is change, but some people still wear socks with sandals.” – Unknown
“The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.” – Vidal Sassoon
“I don’t always adapt to change, but when I do, I prefer to do it begrudgingly.” – Unknown
“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.” – Reba McEntire
“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler Bing
“I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee person.” – Unknown
“Why shouldn’t you trust the stairs? Because they are always up to something.” – Unknown
“I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunsceen on my back.” – Jimmy Kimmel
“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not sure.” – Unknown
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner
“I don’t always love my job, but I love having money.” – Unknown
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” – Unknown
“Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile at it.” – Unknown
“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” – Unknown
“Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me and I’ll laugh at you.” – Unknown
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” – Albert Einstein
“Life is a one-time offer. Use it well.” – Unknown
“I love you like a fat kid loves cake.” – 50 Cent
“I’m not old, I’m just retro.” – Unknown
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison
“Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs, but it’s your choice to scream or enjoy the ride.” – Unknown
“Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns
“I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me.” – Noel Coward
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz
“I can resist anything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller
“I have a job to maintain my lavish lifestyle.” – Unknown
“Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.” – Stephen Colbert
“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Mallory Hopkins
“Love is not having to hold your farts in anymore.” – Unknown
“Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” – Ellen DeGeneres
“The advantage of having one child is that you always know who did it.” – Unknown
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne
“Change is inevitable – except from a vending machine.” – Robert C. Gallagher
“Life is what happens when you’re looking at your smartphone.” – Unknown
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
“I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.” – Unknown
“I’m not a control freak, I’m a control enthusiast.” – Unknown
“He who smiles at crisis had found someone to blame.” – Unknown
“Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably crap.” – Unknown
“A Diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you’d look forward to the trip.” – Unknown
“Evening news is where they begin with ‘good evening’ and proceed to tell you why it isn’t.” – Unknown
“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” – Unknown
“Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel.” – Horace Walpole
“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous, everyone hasn’t met me yet.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” – Olivia Dukakis
“Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” – Forrest Gump
“I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.” – Unknown
“Life is like a camera, focus on the good times, develop from the negatives, and if things don’t work out, take another shot.” – Unknown
“I work well under pressure, provided that the pressure is not too intense.” – Unknown
“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” – Mindy Kaling
“I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.” – Unknown
“Life is too short for traffic.” – Dan Bellack
“My biggest problem is that the left part of my brain has nothing right in it and the right part of my brain has nothing left in it.” – Unknown
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” -Abraham Lincoln
Conclusion
These short, funny quotes about life serve as reminders to not take ourselves too seriously and to find the humor in even the most challenging situations. By keeping these bits of wisdom close at hand, we can approach life with a lighthearted attitude and a readiness to laugh at ourselves and the world around us.
So, the next time you find yourself in need of a quick pick-me-up or a fresh perspective, turn to these hilarious quotes and let them bring a smile to your face. Need more quotes from wise women? Beyonce and Taylor Swift to the rescue!
🗣 Which of these very funny short quotes about life is your fave? Have any quotes you’d like to share? We’d LOVE to hear from you in the comments section below. ⬇️
