66 Hilarious Beer Jokes To Share Over A Pint: Clean And Funny Jokes About Beer
Looking for a laugh? Check out these 66 hilarious beer jokes that are perfect for sharing with friends over a pint! 🍻 #BeerJokes #Cheers #Laughter
CHICAGO, IL – Welcome to the ultimate collection of hilarious beer jokes—perfect for sharing over a pint with friends or just having a good laugh on your own.
Whether you’re at a bar or a casual get-together, these jokes are sure to lighten the mood and guarantee some chuckles. So, grab your favorite brew and enjoy!
Short Beer Jokes To Keep You Laughing
Let’s dive into some side-splitting beer jokes that will keep everyone in high spirits!
1. What do you never say to a policeman?
“Sure let me grab my license. Can you hold my beer?”
2. The definition of a tragic story?
Every loaf of bread that started as a group of grains and never became beer.
3. When my friend fell asleep at the bar, I poured ale on him.
It was a brewed awakening.
4. Definition of a balanced diet?
A beer in each hand.
5. What kind of beer do you make in a bucket?
Pale Ale!
6. What does Santa Claus drink to get drunk?
A polar beer.
7. Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can’t drink and derive.
8. Dinosaurs had no beer.
How did that work out?
9. How can you show that you’re planning for the future?
Buy 2 cases of beer instead of 1.
10. They say there is more to life than beer.
But who is they and why should I trust them?
11. What did the beer sing on the beach?
“Don’t worry. Be hoppy.”
12. I ran twice today.
First I ran out of beer, then I ran to get some more.
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13. Why do we love beer?
Because you can’t drink bacon.
14. A mushroom walks into a bar…
Bartender says, “We don’t serve your type in here!”
The mushroom replies, “Why not? I’m a fun guy!”
15. What did the bottle write on the postcard?
Wish you were beer!
16. How do you know if someone likes craft beer?
Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
17. What do you call a Jewish beer?
A Hebrew.
18. Dear alcohol,
We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer. I saw the video…we need to talk.
19. Why do frogs taste like beer?
Because of all the hops.
20. Trust me, you can dance.
– Beer
21. My body is not a temple.
It’s a microbrewery with legs.
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22. Every day I say, “Bob, you’ve got to stop drinking so much.”
I’m so glad my name is Chad.
23. My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.
So I got drunk.
24. Beer is made from hops.
Hop is a plant. Therefore, beer is a salad.
25. Some people see the glass as half empty. Some see it as half full.
I just wonder who on earth is drinking my beer.
26. Sign outside a bar:
“Buy one beer for the price of two and get your second beer absolutely free.”
27. A skeleton walks into a bar, orders a beer and a mop.
28. Beer and life are best enjoyed the same way.
Chilled.
29. This beer tastes like I’m not going to work tomorrow.
30. Spilling a beer is the adult equivalent of a kid dropping an ice cream.
31. To beer or not to beer, that is the question.
32. IPA a lot when I drink beer.
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33. A man walks into a bar…
Ow.
34. I fear my last words will be
“Hold my beer. Watch what I’m about to do!”
35. A man holding a large block of asphalt walks into a bar.
He says to the bartender, “A beer for me, and one for the road.”
36. Remember, it’s only a beer commercial.
That kind of happiness may not be attainable.
37. Fun fact about root beer.
You can turn it into regular beer by pouring it into a square cup.
38. You shouldn’t drink beer every day.
That’s why I only drink at night.
39. Beer doesn’t make you fat.
It makes you lean; against walls, doors, toilets…
Short, Funny Drinking Stories & One-Liners
Nothing breaks the ice like a good drinking story. Sharing a humorous tale can make your social gatherings more enjoyable and memorable. Here are a few short funny drinking stories you can tell to your friends:
40. A hamburger walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
41. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “how much for a beer?”
The bartender reluctantly hands him a beer and says, “for you? No charge!”
42. Give a man a beer, and he wastes an hour.
Teach a man how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
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43. Never look at your beer as half empty.
Look at it as halfway to your next beer.
44. A Roman walks into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says: Give me five beers.
45. A teacher walks into a bar and says “Can I have a beer?”
The bartender says, “I don’t know, CAN YOU?”
46. A pig walks into a bar and orders ten beers.
As soon as the pig is finished drinking the beers, he pays the bartender and starts to leave the bar.
“Wait!” says the bartender. “You drank so much beer. Wouldn’t it be wise to use the bathroom before leaving?”
“Not for me,” says the pig. “I’m the type of pig that goes wee wee wee all the way home!”
47. A polar bear walks into a bar.
The bartender asks what he’ll have. The bear says “guess I’ll have a …………….. beer.”
The bartender asks “Why the big pause?”
The polar bear replies. “I don’t know, I was born with them.”
48. I got home and found a note my wife had left on the fridge.
It said “This isn’t working. I’m going to my mom’s house.” I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I’m not sure what she was talking about.
49. An eyeball walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
The bartender says, “I can’t serve you! Where’s your mouth?”
50. What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four frat guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game.
51. Two frat boys were stranded at sea on a boat.
On the 3rd day, a mermaid came out of the water and offered them one wish to save their lives. The frat boys thought about it, and one shouted out, “I wish the ocean was a sea of beer.” Suddenly, it happened.
A little while later, the other one shouted, “Great, now we have to pee in the boat!”
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52. A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.
The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they’re gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.”
The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Argentina and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we’re drinking together.”
The bartender thinks it’s a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy’s three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, “Knowing your tradition, I’d just like to just say that I’m sorry you’ve lost a brother.”
The man replies, “Oh, my brothers are fine – I just quit drinking.”
53. A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer and drank it until suddenly he heard a voice. “Nice beard.” The man looked around. Nobody was there except him and the bartender. “Really cool jacket, too.” The man was concerned. He thought he must be losing his mind. “I like your hair like that!” Finally concerned, the man said to the bartender, “I keep hearing this voice.” The bartender replied, “Those are the peanuts, sir. They’re complimentary.”
54. A snake slithered into a bar and asked the bartender for a beer. ‘Sorry’ said the bartender ‘I’m afraid I can’t serve you. ‘Why not?’ Asked the snake
‘Because you can’t hold your drink’ replied the bartender
55. A werewolf, Dracula and Casper the Ghost walk into a bar.
Dracula says, “Two beers and a brandy. thanks.” Barman replies, “Sorry pal, we don’t serve spirits.
56. A grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender says “you know we have a drink named after you”.
The grasshopper says ” you have a drink named Irving?”
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57. Two guys were sitting on a dock, drinking beer and fishing with their feet dangling in the water.
One guy said, “Oh no. An alligator just bit one of my feet off.” The other guy said, “Which one?” And the first guy said, “How should I know? All the alligators look alike.”
58. An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a third of a beer… And so on. The bartender says: “That is an infinite amount of beer. You guys need to know your limits!”
59. A married couple on a tight budget were shopping in a supermarket.
The husband picks up a case of beer and places it in their shopping cart. The wife complained, “Put that back, we only have enough funds for essential items – not luxuries like $20 beer.” A little later while walking through the cosmetics aisle, the wife picks up a beauty cream and places it in the cart. The husband says, “I thought we were on a tight budget, buying only essential items, right?” The wife responds, “This item IS essential. It makes me look beautiful!” “Well,” says the husband, “the beer also makes you look beautiful and it’s half the price of the cream.”
60. A Zebra walks into a pub and asks for a beer.
The bartender says “Sorry I can’t serve you.”
The Zebra asks “Why not?”
“Because you’re barred” replies the bartender.
61. I’m only gonna have one beer tonight.
– Me, six beers later.
62. My buddy and I were at the local bar drinking the other night.
I looked over and said, “Hey man, look at those two old, drunk guys over there. That’ll be us in a few more years”. He glanced over, looked at me and said “You drunk idiot, that a mirror!”
63. A man walks into a bar and up to the counter.
The bartender asks him, “what can I get for you today.” The man replies, “I’ll take three glasses of your most rare bourbon barrel aged russian imperial stout.” As fast as the bartender was pouring the man was downing the beers even faster one after another. Stunned the bartender asks, “I’ve never seen anyone drink that fast before.” “You’d drink that fast if you had what I had,” said the man. “What do you have,” asks the bartender. Turning around the man replies, “fifty cents.”
64. A blonde, A Rabbi, and a horse walk into a bar.
Bartender says ” What is this some sort of joke?”
65. A guy wakes up on his front steps, his head pounding, and he can barely see.
He notices his lawn is torn up with tire tracks, his bushes are run over, and his car is smashed into the wall beneath the bay window. “Well, at least I made it home last night,” he thinks. Then he remembers he hadn’t gone out.
66. They say you can’t find happiness at the bottom of a beer.
No kidding, who’s happy when their beer is over?
Conclusion
There you have it—66 hilarious beer jokes to keep the laughter flowing as freely as the beer. Whether you’re a seasoned beer aficionado or a casual sipper, these jokes are sure to make your next social gathering a hit.
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Cheers to good times and great laughs!
🗣 Which of these jokes made you laugh the most? Have a clean joke you’d like to share? We’d LOVE to hear from you in the comments section below. ⬇️
